Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Insomnia Report Special Cooking Edition

For this recipe you will need:

1 regular-sized jar of mayonnaise

1 regular-sized jar of Miracle-Whip brand psuedo-mayonnaise

1 tub of sour cream

1 tub of cream cheese
1 tub of cottage cheese

Some fucking “horseradish”, whatever nauseating filth that is

50 mushroom slices picked off of a room temperature Domino’s delivery pizza

50 cubes of Spam-brand crypto-meat

2 tins of tuna

Some prawns

A bag of prawn-flavored pork rinds*

A jar of gefilte fish

A bunch of lutefisk

A “family-sized” box of Cocoa Pebbles brand cereal

A “family-sized” box of Chicken in a Biskit brand chicken-flavored crackers (crushed finely)

A pinch of cayenne pepper

A dash of testicle sweat**

Take all ingredients and pour into a large cooking pan. Whack repeatedly with a wooden spoon. Place into oven and cook at 450 degrees for approximately seven minutes. Take out and let stand for thirty-six days. Serve to your worst enemies in cubes or as a fondue.

*Available, no kidding, at the Asian grocery down the street from me
** Single ladies without ready access to testicle sweat may substitute by using slightly more horseradish