Thursday, October 12, 2006

Oh, and another thing...

My dear compatriots on the left, we must also abandon the divisive, hurtful and somewhat inaccurate habit of referring to Vice-President Richard “Dick” Cheney as “Lucifer”. This is the sort of thing that causes the average American, who may even be sympathetic towards our aims and positions, to disengage from politics. Because, as the Bible makes clear, Lucifer was once an angel. Dick Cheney, on the other hand, has always been kind of a hard-on.

Heed my words, progressives, liberals, socialists, Greens and assorted other folk: next time you feel the urge to call Dick Cheney the Anti-Christ, consider calling him “the Republican version of the dreaded Mothra” instead.

The comparisons here are much more apt. Both Dick Cheney and Mothra live in a hollowed out volcano, are capable of firing a “death ray” from their segmented eyeballs, and have been created by humanity’s callous disregard for our natural environment. Rumors that Dick Cheney is, like Mothra, attended day and night by a pair of identical, sweetly-singing Japanese nymphs have not been confirmed as of this writing.