Thursday, July 27, 2006

Way to go, Old Norm, way to go...

Yesterday the 81-year old father of Minnesota’s lesser Senator, Norm Coleman (aka the Toothy Tool), was cited for indecent exposure and lewd conduct after being caught having sex with a woman more than half his age in a parked car near Red’s Savoy pizza restaurant in my hometown of St. Paul. I have several thoughts about this.

ONE: It seems to me that we, the voters, ought to replace the son with the father. Coleman pere clearly has the energy, the “people skills” and the youth appeal for the job. And I bet we can convince him to be a Democrat, too.

TWO: Red’s Savoy has excellent pizza, but you often have to wait a long time for it. On a busy evening, the average patron would have time to leave the restaurant, have sex in their car, pick up their laundry, do their grocery shopping, landscape their backyard, have sex in their car again, get in trouble with the cops and make a few ashamed phone calls before their dinner would be ready. You’d think, however, that they’d put a rush on the ex-mayor/current senator’s dad’s order.

THREE: Who actually calls the police when they see a couple having sex in a car? Sure, maybe you gawk for a few seconds, maybe you point and laugh, maybe you even call some other random passerbys over to have a look-see at the old guy and his lady friend goin’ at it, but summoning the authorities? That’s not just lame, it’s mean.

FOUR: I really don’t like Norm Coleman. I’d rather have a urine-soaked sponge as my senator. I’d rather have rusty spikes driven through my balls than listen to him speak. I’d rather be cornholed by a pack of rabid porcupines than watch him get re-elected. None of this, however, should be taken to mean that I’m not happy that his dad is getting laid. To try and score some political points on this would be tasteless, tasteless, I say!