An incredibly dumb thing I will never do...

Run up a $241,000 bill at a strip club.

(I know, I know, he claims it he only spent $20,000. As if that’s not bad enough. And, seriously, does anything say “Dumb Middle American Hick” like maxing out your corporate credit card at a cheesy New York strip club? In this poor guy’s dim, Cristal-addled mind, he’s probably thinking “I’ll show all these fancy big city girls who the big shot is!” while those fancy big city girls are all like, “Get a load of this ridiculous clown who’s gonna get fired when they find out that he’s blown his company’s pension fund on watered-down champagne and two minute lap dances. Idiot.”)