Thursday, February 02, 2006

A Very Special Right-of-Center Guest Blogger

Jesus Would Be Disappointed In This Year’s
Awards Nominees

by Ralph “Buddy” Princely

My children are not Sodomites. They are honor students. My
wife and I home school them, but this does not mean that they
cannot be honor students. In the school of life, that is. In fact,
my oldest, named Hewitt, asked me just the other day, “Daddy,
why cannot we watch any movies except for some which are
no good at all?” I am paraphrasing his actual question, but the
gist of it you got right there.

My answer to him was simple. “Because I don’t want you to
become an America-hating Idiotarian!” I said and that was the
end of it. My children are not moonbat children. They do not
question my authority. They just nod and walk away and go
ask their mother. The trouble is that young Hewitt is too
young to handle the depth and the complexty of the issue at
hand: that Hollywood hates America.

It is a true fact, any way you cut it. If they didn’t hate America,
why wouldn’t they make movies where America is good? If I
was a Hollywood producer, I would make a film where an evil
band of evildoers menaces freedom for everyone and then the
brave President of America doesn’t listen to the ACLU or the
DemoRats and sends the army to fight the evildoers and the
army wins and the main army guy gets the girl. And then
when my movie makes more money than any other movie
(because it will have really good special effects), I’ll sit back
and laugh and say to all those other Hollywood producers
“See? See how rich you can be if you stop hating America,
all you America-haters?” But I probably won’t win an aca-
demy award. That’s okay, though. The wife likes to watch
them on television, but I like to be on the internet better,
looking around to see all the stupid things moonbats are
doing, like troubling the President and losing elections.

I am most apalled by this “Brokeback Mountain”. Of course
I have not seen it, excepting in commercials, but I’ve read
several independant commentors describe it as one in which
cowboys–a group I normally think highly of–take part in
acts of unnatural intercourse with each other. It seems to
me doubtful that this happens. I do not know any cowboys
but I am assured irregardless that they all like girls. After
all Zane Grey called it “Riders of the Purple Sage”, not
“Riders of the Pink Sage in San Francisco Because We Are
Homosexuals”. So that’s the way I feel.

It is a Biblical Fact that at no point in his life did the man
from Galilee support the “gay” lifestyle. No matter what
moonbats may tell you, Mount Zion was no “Brokeback
Mountain” and were Christ alive today he would be stand-
ing outside my local multiplex, picketing them for trying
to turn my children into Sodomites. And I’d be right there
with Jesus, if it was really Jesus out there picketing the
multiplex instead just those same six people from that huge
church down on Beaverbrook Lane.

I hope that movie doesn’t win best picture, but I’m sure it
will because Christians are always being persecuted in our

The bad thing is that the other “best picture” nominees are
no better. There is one entitled “Crash” which I had never
heard of. Normally, when I have never heard of something
I automaticaly assume it is bad. Well, in this case I was right!
A quick internet search tells me that it is a Canadian movie
about people who get “turned on” by car accidents! Remind
me never to go to Canadia! Because who but a Socialist country
would think of that! I got into a car accident one time and I’ll
assure you that the act of love, which should be reserved for
a man and a woman who’s monogomaus intentions are cod-
ified in the institution of marraige by the way, was the last
thing on my mind. I was much more concerned about the
damage to my new Accord!

The person who ran into me had a John Kerry bumper sticker,
by the way. I think that says something.

There is also a film called “Capote” which is about a moonbat
writer, and another movie called “Good Night Moon” about
a moonbat broadcaster. The internet sites I read are in sound
agreement that neither of these are worth my time or money.
Plus, I am told they are covert attacks on the Republican party.
Now, isn’t that like the spineless, cut-and-run half of America?
Too cowardly to say they hate America up front, so they try
to sneak it into their stupid artsy movies and then they go
around acting like they’re smarter than me! Well you’re
not smarter than me Mister George Clooney! You are only
more handsome! But on the inside you are filled with ugli-
ness and French-like behavior.

Finally, the last is “Munich”, which is a Stephen Spielberg
film but not one of the good ones about Indiana Jones. This
one is about terrorists, still somehow it failed to remind the
Michael Moores of the world that they are the worst menace
to face the planet since ever. Why won’t anyone make a movie
that tells the truth as I see it? Is it because they’re afraid?
Give me a million dollars, I’m not afraid. I’ll make it. I
already have a title picked out.

“Watch Your You-Know-What Osama Bin Laden: The United
States Is Coming For You!”

I know it’s a long title, but it is catchy. And George Clooney
will want to be in it. And I won’t hire him. I’ll hire Arnold
Schwarzenegar instead, if he’s not too busy running California.

Arnold Schwarzenegar isn’t one of these secret Europeans,
like the rest of these Hollywood types.

Ralph “Buddy” Princely is a freelance consultant, author,
lecturer, and film-critic. He also holds the Spiro Agnew
Distinguished Chair at the Center For the American