With clip art this keen, victory is all but assured...

As you all know, I am a candidate for Congress. I also don’t need to tell you that, nowadays, no serious politician would be caught dead without a fancy website. Well, thanks to the tireless work of my campaign manager and my crack staff of interns, we’re ready to roll ours out. Be sure to visit it every week or so to hear the latest about my imminent inauguration gala, my bloodthirsty pursuit of my ideological rivals, and my home constipation remedies.