Thursday, January 12, 2006

High fashion for lowlifes

Thanks to David Neiwert and his fine blog, I see that there
is a website offering a whole bunch of asinine right-wing
merchandise. This, in itself, is nothing so special: you can
buy scads of idiotic crap on the internet and you won’t hear
me complaining about that. As Americans, we have the right
to buy whatever silly shit we can afford and few, including
me, find it worth getting worked up about us indulging our
consumerist birthright on lowest-common denominator
detritus. This being said, I feel I ought to admit that I’m
not comfortable with a political movement that might find
this a witty slogan:

Ha! Ha! Ha! You see, it’s funny because liberals are so
stubborn! So you have to beat them over the head! Isn’t
that the truth? Man, that’s rich! I don’t know about you,
but I wish I had a different “liberals must be clubbed” t-shirt
for every day of the week! What’s that? I’m in luck?
Oooooh, look at this beauty!

Hell, yeah! I’m going to get the coffee mug, the camisole, the
baseball cap, and the size XXXL sweatshirt of that one! It’s
funny because it’s true! We should club liberals, not all these
sandwiches all the time! Maybe this is too much information,
but the idea of committing violence against the people I dis-
agree with gives me a warm, tingly feeling in my loins! Am
I sick?

I am? Well, fuck you! You commie! Just like some sort of
crybaby, humorless, bad-smelling, gun-swiping, fetus-aborting,
leftist to try and make me feel bad for being a proud patriot!
God, you people are such evil, verminous, traitors! I hate you
all! I wish you’d all just burn! Yes, I said it: I wish you’d burn!
What, are you going to call the politically-correct police on me
now? I don’t care. I just wish I had a piece of apparel that
would let the whole world know that I feel this way. Some-
thing like this

Ahem. Pardon me, but I think I’m going to be sick.

(Here your mild-mannered, left-leaning blogger rises from his
chair, hurries to his bathroom, and vomits up a whole bunch of
Chipotle burrito.)

Okay. I’m back. Before I go and lie down for awhile, I wanted
to share with you one more design, one that implies that the
proprietors of this on-line boutique have a) either the most
subtle sense of irony on earth or, b) no sense of irony whatsoever:

Yes. You read that right. They’re the ones who want to club
us over the head, set us on fire, “backhand” us into “submission”
and WE’RE the mean ones. They say we’re rats, traitors, foul-
odored, stupid, and–my favorite–whiny, but WE’RE the ones
with the meanness problem. I mean, shit, am I wrong or have
right-wingers been having a pretty good decade? As I’ve said
before, they’ve got the Presidency, Congress, big chunks of the
media and they’re probably about to seize the Supreme Court
to boot–can you imagine them if they were losing? If they’re
this angry about being on the winning team, I’d hate to imagine
what they must look like when they’re frustrated...