Wednesday, August 23, 2006

A strange kind of invitation...

This Saturday, the Minnesota Organization of Blogs—a group which leans so far to the right it might as well be laying down, including as it does such stalwart conservatives as these guys, this guy and these other guys—is throwing a party. I won’t be going, of course. The electric bracelet on my ankle starts to make an irritating buzzing noise if I stay out past ten and, besides, if I wanted to sit around with a bunch of cranky Republican dudes, I’d go to a family reunion. But don’t let that stop you, though. After all, Mitch at Shot in the Dark has issued a curious sort of plea for liberals to show up at their shin-dig:

By the way, the MOB is rigorously non-partisan. We encourage leftybloggers to show up - in fact, we go out of our way to invite them. They tend to stick to themselves, at liberals-only parties like "Drinking Liberally", where they practice their mutual hobbies of swearing, frothing, and regurgitating conspiracy theories. We figure if they get out a little more, it'll be good for them.

Of course, usually when I invite the bigger leftybloggers, I get some sort of excuse: "Oh, that date is Gus Hall's Birthday" or "That's the exhibit opens, commemorating the Northfield Barrista Strike of 1998" or some such.

Just saying, leftybloggers - come on down. It's a lot of fun - and by fun, I don't just mean swearing and frothing.

Now, while I enjoy the tacit admission that they need liberals to get their parties hopping (similar to the way they need liberals so that they have something to complain about on their websites), I have to say that this isn’t the way to get my people to hang out with you. You can’t help but think of high-school. Mitch seems like he's trying to come off like he’s the captain of the football team or something, standing up in the cafeteria and announcing “Dudes! My parents are out of town, so we jocks are having ourselves a PARTY! It’ll be awesome! Even you band nerds ought to show up, even though you’re only stupid band nerds! You bunch of band nerds, you’ll probably be busy cleaning your flutes or something band nerdish like that, but you’d come if only you weren’t such a bunch of band nerds!”

I’m sorry, but to draw liberals into a barful of bilious conservatives, you need to be suaver, more self-effacing. Make it worth our while. For instance, will there be organic vegan wraps available? Will folk legend Joan Baez be performing? What about a table selling handmade crafts from Ecuador? If you’re going to stereotype us, at least do it flatteringly. You’ve got to woo us, dammit!

Now that I think of it, maybe you should put your pitch like this: “Dearest liberals, we realize that our time in the sun is ending and that you—our dastardly but brilliant enemy—will soon defeat us with your logic, your principles and the greater appeal of your ideas. Please, do bestow unto us—your crushed and unworthy foe—the favor of your mercy by appearing at a party to commemorate the waning days of our foolish, foolish reign! We will buy you all the drinks you desire and admit—of the record, of course—that you were right, completely right, all along!”

See? That’s not so hard to say, is it?