Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The suspense is over...

In the world of international sport, one question hangs on everyone’s lips. That question is, of course, just what insult did Italian footballer Marco Materazzi toss in the waning minutes of the World Cup finals in order to provoke French legend Zinedine Zidane into headbutting him? Some suspect that Materazzi made an untoward comment about Zidane’s mother. Others believe that the captain of Les Bleus, the son of Algerian immigrants, was referred to as a “terrorist”.

In the interest of helping millions and millions of soccer fans across the world achieve some sort of closure, we here at the Insomnia Report have decided to fire up our sophisticated video-enhancement and lip-reading technology in order to determine exactly which hurtful words were spoken. After intensive analysis, several sleepless nights, and no less than five million three hundred and sixty three thousand four hundred and seventeen viewings of the incident, I have finally deciphered Materazzi’s garbled, venomous slur.

It was: “Donald Rumsfeld’s jockstrap hangs loosely upon you, bald Frenchman!”.

Knowing this, I feel that Zidane’s actions were more than justified. A man can only take so much, after all.