The fake Toby Keith revealed...

First, however, I would like to thank all my contestants. Mel, Tara, and Greg, you are wonderful and lovely people. I am proud to be able to call you my friends. You have enriched my life immeasurably and have each worked, in your own way, to make into the person I am today. Without exception, you are all witty, generous, wise, insightful, and beautiful human beings with incomparable senses of humor and stellar fashion sense.

This is why it pains me to say that none of you are very good at correctly identifying Toby Keith lyrics. Greg came the closest in his correct identification of #3, but I’m almost certain that he was led in this direction by Tara’s earlier parenthetical guess. However, none of you accurately picked up on #5 as a Kevin-M original. You all felt that I was the author of the much less subtle and less heartbreaking #6 which is, alas, something that sprang from Toby Keith’s own mind. As did #1, #2, and #4.

It’s really too bad none of you won, because I was thinking of offering the victor a two week, all-expenses paid vacation at the Insomnia Report Getaway Villa, which is located on a dormant volcano on the leeward side of the isle of Capri. There you would have had access to the services of: Boris, my personal massage therapist; Cindy Quan, my “heart-smart” master chef; and Montez, my devoted driver/bodyguard. Although, if Greg won, I’d probably just send him to Liberia to hear General Butt Naked preach.

Better luck next time.