Saturday, March 25, 2006

Is he Toby or isn't he?

I’m pleased to announce the second official Insomnia Report “spot the fake lyric” contest. The rules are simple. Below are six song lyrics. Four of them are by Toby Keith, two of them I wrote myself. Figure out which ones are mine, and you win. What do you win?, you might ask. Well, putting aside the dubious assumption that proving your familiarity with Toby Keith’s songcraft isn’t a form of “winning” in itself, perhaps I’ll even come up with a real prize this time. Don’t bank on it, though.

Using the internet is, of course, forbidden. Leave your guesses in the comments section below. Voting will continue through the weekend and closes whenever I wake up on Monday.

Yeah I'm in love with the girl in the four-wheel drive
Chrome steel bumpers and red step side
She has a large time in her large machine
Man I wonder how she gets up in that thing
It casts a big shadow sittin' in the sun
She's got it revved up rockin' ready to run
And someday soon I'm gonna climb right up
And take a little ride in her big ol' truck

I looked up, I looked down
I ain't seen her since the second go-'round
Somebody said they seen her headin' out of town
Now she ran away with a rodeo clown

Now they got Saddam sitting out there in Baghdad
Sitting on some oil and thinking he’s real bad
Gonna tell the stars ‘n’ stripes to piss up a rope
But I’ll tell you now, listen here,
Ol’ Saddam’s out of luck when them French are his only hope
We’re rolling out of Afghanistan
Gonna finish what Schwartzkopf began
Ooooooh, you got it coming
You got it coming, Saddam!

What we've got here is a touching situation
You smile as if you've read my mind
A pair of "I love you's" gently ends this conversation
'Cause matters of the heart can't be defined

Woman, you’ve been hurtin’ on my memories
You’ve been gone too damn long (too damn long)
I ain’t no kid, I’ve been around
But I never thought I’d see an Oklahoma freeze

If I was Jesus, I'd come back from the dead
And I'd walk on some water, just to mess with your head
I know your dark little secrets, I'd look you right in the face
And I'd tell you I love you, with amazing grace.
Ooh and I'd lay my life down for you (woooooh)
And I show you who's the boss (woooooh)
I'd forgive you and adore you
While I was hangin' on your cross
If I was Jesus.