Friday, January 20, 2006

When the subject is underwear, I am prone to making hasty statements...

Let me speak for a moment about the weaknesses of this
genre of writing. This whole “blog” scene is too wrapped
up in immediacy. In the headlong rush to be a part of the
smart-internet crowd, web writers can leave their capacity
for reflection and analysis to languish in favor of seizing a
moment, tying it up in rhetoric, and loosing it upon their
audience all raw, unpolished, and–as is often the case–in-
accurate. Everyone wants to add their two cents, everyone
wants to chime in, everyone wants to “scoop” everyone else.
No one wants to be left behind to speak in stentorian tones
about yesterday’s news. This is an atmosphere ripe for
error and overenthusiastic rumor-mongering.

And I’m no better than the next guy in this regard. Because,
you see, I reported that the massive pair of dung-smeared
behind my apartment had disappeared. New
facts have come to light and now I must distance myself from
these comments.

The XXXXXXX-large sized Fruit of the Looms are still in my
alley, and–I repeat–they are still soaked in excrement.

My statements denying this were perhaps provoked by the
fact that they’ve moved approximately five feet to the east.
Simply put, I wasn’t looking closely enough. I didn’t do the “
legwork” necessary to provide you fine people with the facts.
For this I am deeply ashamed. Please accept my humble

I will, of course, continue to provide you all with timely, enter-
taining, and–most of all–factual updates regarding the turd-
crusted, ludicrously-huge underpants left discarded in my alley.