I am headachey and crabby and absolutely no fun to be around right now...

Today was a terrible day at work. When it’s a terrible
day at work, one way I try to amuse myself is to think
of increasingly disgusting things that I’d rather be doing.
Here are some of the ones I came up with today:

1) I’d rather clean the elephant pens at the circus, with
my tongue!

2) I’d rather eat a bunch of empty cans, give myself a
battery acid enema, and then find out if I can shit Duracells...

3) I’d rather make a date with Jenna Bush, but only so that
I could get closer to her foxy, foxy mother...

4) I’d rather grab hold of my scrotum and pull it upwards
until it stretched all the way to my face. Then I’d wrap it
around my head and run up and down the hallways scream-
ing “I’m Scroto-Man! I’m Scroto-Man!”

5) I’d rather have a straw shoved up my urethra and then
watch as famous tenor Luciano Pavarotti gleefully pours
fire ants down the open end...

Try it yourself. It's great fun. As for me, I think I might
need a new job...