Thursday, December 01, 2005

You didn't miss me, did you?

Go ahead. You can admit it. This whole week you didn’t
give a whispery fart what this blogger was doing. You never
once asked yourself “Is Kevin M. Having a good time in the
Pacific Northwest? Is he enjoying the grandeur of Snoqual-
amie Falls? Is he taking in the gritty charm of downtown
Tacoma, with its acclaimed Museum of Glass? Is he dining
on affordable-but-delicious Thai food in Fremont or is he
abusing his digestive processes by drunkenly gorging him-
self on enchiladas at midnight?” Don’t try to buffalo me: those
questions never entered your mind. I know it.

And, as if this wasn’t bad enough, I’m sure you didn’t spare a
stray thought for my kind hosts in the Emerald City. Don’t
pretend like you did. I can see right through you. In all like-
lihood, you don’t care that the couch they so graciously pro-
vided was the softest couch that Ikea offers. Nor do you care
that I was given access to several varieties of snack food,
untold hours of scintillating conversation, diet sodas to my
heart’s content, and all the reading material I might have
desired–including a book which, based on my astrological
sign, determined that I am a filthy pervert who enjoys “little
boy role play” and giving “pearl necklaces”. And what would
you do if I told you that the only way I repaid such generosity
was by (a) serving as a massage school test doll and (b) car-
peting my dearest friend’s immaculate bathroom with my
pubic hairs? You’d probably yawn and tell me to shut up,
knowing you...

Well, I’m back, whether you care or not. So there. Much
posting on trifling matters will re-commence shortly...