Only the most pressing, spectacular, and historic news stories will move me from my blogging stupor!

And, as I'm sure my fellow Minnesotans know, one of those stories has just recently occured. No, I do not wish to discuss the bridge collapse here. That's been covered in mind-numbing detail elsewhere. I don't know anything about bridges or how they might fall down, and so my only contribution to that discussion would be the same as anyone's: it's terrible and frightening and should never happen again. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Instead, I want to talk about the guy who had his balls cut off by mysterious and not-entirely-competent "medical" personnel who then vanished and are now a fugitive semi-professional castration team. If there's something I want to stress to my entire readership of seven people, it's this: I do not support rogue bands of anonymous gelders rampaging through the streets of my fair hometown, slicing away people's testicles without so much as the slightest kind of credential. In fact, I'm strongly against it. I'm so firmly against it that I would support a law preventing amateurs from cutting off people's balls, no matter if the person in question requested such a service. You see, I take a "hard line" on non-certified man-nugget removal. It is a dangerous and bloody affair, and it should be dealt with harshly. If strict fines do not prove effective of containing this menace, I would even support jail time for repeat offenders. This is the sort of thing society simply can't turn a blind eye to.