Thursday, July 12, 2007

Putting humiliation in its proper perspective...

I am a silly person. I thought it was embarrassing when I farted in the lake at family Fourth of July. I thought it was embarrassing when my grandma brought me to Hooters for my 19th birthday. I thought it was embarrassing when the naughty metal girl in eighth grade asked me if I liked her breasts. I also, in retrospect, recognize that it was embarrassing for me to have told her "no" because I thought that any other answer would be impolite.

In short, I'm easily embarrassed. Ask anyone. I blush when a slight breeze falls over my face. I'm half-Scandinavian. I have a very exaggerated sense of decorum.

That's why it pleases me to know that, unlike a certain Republican state representative from Florida, I will never be arrested in a men's room after offering an undercover cop $20 and a blowjob. Because that's not just embarrassing. That's fucking embarrassing.

And the worst part is, of course, that he didn't offer to pay $20 for a blowjob. No, he offered $20 to give a blowjob. Which is just sad. I suppose, though, if you're the sort of guy who might enjoy being slurped at in a public men's room by a ragged looking low-level Republican, it's a pretty good deal. Not only do you get several sweet minutes of a state representative's mouth on your man-bits, you also get some cash out of the deal. That's a pretty productive trip to the shitter, actually.

And I should probably state right out that I really don't care if people want to suck each other off in men's rooms. I'm a hedonist, and that sort of thing simply doesn't bother me that much. Let the Republican state representatives from Florida to Alaska go nuts with it I say, bothering the privates of undercover policemen the world 'round. At least it keeps them occupied.