Monday, July 02, 2007

Music Kriticism Korner!

Alright. I guess I always knew that Brigitte Bardot was the greatest actress the world has ever seen. But before buying this CD, I had absolutely no idea that she was also the greatest musician in the history of all time. Some people prefer Beethoven, Maria Callas, or Wings. These people are mistaken, and dumb besides. Has silly little Handel ever composed a tune as pretty and perfect as "Une Histoire de Plage", which my vague understanding of French tells me is a charming fable concerning Ms. Bardot's visit to the beach? Have Mick Jagger and Keith Richards ever put together a ditty as pleasant as "L'appareil a sous", which features nameless Gallic background singers going "ba-ba-ba" as Ms. Bardot makes indecipherable (to me at least) kittenish noises? No, they haven't. Why haven't they? Because they're just not as good as Brigitte, musically-speaking.

Oh, I can hear the voices of petty minds already. They're saying something about how Ms. Bardot didn't even write her own songs, how she was just a ridiculously-proportioned pin-up whose albums were just basically there to give lame-ass losers an excuse to masturbate to the picture on the cover. People who would say such things are not worth listening to. They have no dignity, and they probably spend their days listening to Scandinavian death metal and supporting terrorism. Did Frank Sinatra write his own songs? Didn't a lot of old ladies need to envision Frank Sinatra in bed with them in order to make the marital act non-repulsive? Well, how come Frankie is a showered with accolades while Brigitte is treated as a bosomy lightweight?

Because of the wretchedness of humanity, that's why.

P.S.: Did you know Brigitte Bardot is a scary right-winger nowadays? It's true!