I need twice the attention...

You want nonsense rambling? Carping about current
events? Vicious slander against elected officials and
unpleasant invective against fellow bloggers? Arrogant
posturing and mindless chest-thumping? Well, then
you've come to the right place, pal. Here at the Insomnia
Report, I'm all about calling random strangers "douche-
bags" and "incompetent, warmongering shit wizards".
My philosophy can be summed up thusly: "Oh yeah?
Well, fuck YOU then, you worthless little scraping of
gibbon mucous!"

So, in the spirit of the blog scene, let me issue a hearty
"fuck all y'all" to the shadowy six people peeping in on
this site.

But if you're some sort of softhearted pansy type, perhaps
you'd prefer my alter-ego website, The Dead Postman. It
is here where I'll post gentle stories about lost love and
daffodils falling into limpid pools. Wrenching confessions
of vulnerability? Winsome explorations into the foibles
of modern romance? Gentle humor appropriate for
the whole family? You better believe it, motherfucker.

For real.